Grief Rituals

Visiting graves, mevlit recitations, condolence visits: do these really help with grief? The literature offers an unexpected answer.

Grief itself is not an illness. Following natural deaths, the risk of prolonged grief disorder is approximately 10% (Lundorff et al., J Affect Disord, 2017).
Following unnatural deaths, such as accidents, homicide, or suicide, the figure is 49% (Djelantik et al., 2020).

There are two different strands of evidence on rituals, and both need to be acknowledged.

In an experimental study, participants who performed a ritual or described a ritual they had performed reported less grief. A sense of control mediated this effect.
The effect was also observed in those who did not believe that rituals worked (Norton and Gino, J Exp Psychol Gen, 2014).

However, field studies with bereaved people do not confirm this. In a Dutch sample of 552 people, no significant association was found between ritual use and grief symptoms
(Mitima Verloop et al., Death Studies,2019). In a study of 114 people in Türkiye, performing rituals
did not change grief responses either (Şimşek Arslan and Buldukoğlu,OMEGA, 2021). In a review of seventeen studies, 5 studies showed a benefit from funeral attendance, while 6 did not (Burrell and Selman, OMEGA, 2020).

So what makes a difference? Not the form of the ritual, but whether the person has a say in it. In interviews with bereaved women in Türkiye,
the tradition of not leaving the bereaved alone provided sustaining support for those who could maintain their personal space. Those who had no control over the process found the same
tradition burdensome (Aksöz Efe et al., Death Studies, 2018).

Here is what this means in practice:
1. Shape the ritual to suit you. You do not have to fit a prescribed mold.
2. Be a participant, not a spectator. Take a role in organizing it.
3. Use grave visits not to search for the person, but to remember them and carry their memory forward.
4. Address loneliness. Loneliness predicted grief severity more strongly than rituals did (Zou et al., 2022).
5. Notice avoidance. Staying away brings relief in the short term but prolongs grief in the long term.

If grief persists and impairs your functioning, grief-specific psychotherapy has been shown to be effective (Shear et al., JAMA Psychiatry, 2016).

This content is for informational purposes and is not a substitute for diagnosis or treatment.

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