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← Back to blogHow parental bonds carry over into adult relationships: Kernberg's transference-focused psychotherapy perspective
The pattern of your earliest bond with your parents is quietly repeated in your relationships with your partner and your closest friend today.
🧠 According to attachment theory, a child develops an "internal working model" from thousands of small interactions with their caregiver: an implicit expectation about whether they are worthy of love and whether the other person is available. Hazan and Shaver's (1987) classic study showed that the secure, anxious, and avoidant patterns adults display in romantic relationships have a distribution similar to that of attachment styles in infancy.
🔬 According to psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg, this model is a triad consisting of a self-representation, a representation of the other, and the affect linking the two; a person unconsciously reenacts this triad in new relationships (transference). In a randomized controlled trial testing transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP), 28.6% of patients shifted from insecure to secure attachment after one year; this figure remained at 0% in the comparison treatments (Levy et al., 2006).
One way to recognize this pattern is to ask yourself, at the moment you react: is this reaction about the person in front of me, or someone from my past? If the pattern recurs across several relationships and impairs your daily functioning, seeking support through structured therapy is a worthwhile option.
This content does not constitute diagnostic or treatment advice.
References: Bowlby (1969/1982) · Hazan & Shaver (1987) · Fraley (2002) · Oldeman ve ark. (2025) · Kernberg ve ark. (2008) · Levy ve ark. (2006) · Doering ve ark. (2010)