# You’re trying to help someone—and they get defensive

- URL: https://alisanburak.com/en/birine-yardim-etmeye-calisiyorsun-o-savunmaya-geciyor
- Language: en
- Last updated: 2026-08-15
- Page title: You’re trying to help someone—and they get defensive | Assoc. Prof. Dr. Alişan Burak Yaşar

> Why does saying “You should do this” have the opposite effect? Because the brain automatically pushes back when its freedom is restricted. This is called p

This page was translated automatically from Turkish. [Read the original](https://alisanburak.com/birine-yardim-etmeye-calisiyorsun-o-savunmaya-geciyor)

[← Back to blog](https://alisanburak.com/en/blog)

# You’re trying to help someone—and they get defensive

April 6, 2026Recent Articles

Why does saying “You should do this” have the opposite effect?
Because the brain automatically pushes back when its freedom is restricted.
This is called psychological reactance—and it is not a lack of willpower, but an evolutionary defense mechanism.
Reflective listening, on the other hand, does the exact opposite 👇
You hear what the other person says, understand it, and reflect it back.
Without judging. Without offering solutions. Without asking questions.
Research shows:
→ Defensive responses decrease
→ The sense of autonomy grows stronger
→ Change begins from within
This skill is not just for therapists.
Partner, parent, friend, child—it works in every relationship.
Swipe to learn:
📌 Why well-intentioned advice backfires
📌 How to practice reflective listening (with everyday examples)
📌 5 steps you can put into practice today

For those who want to explore further →
**I recommend Motivasyonel Görüşme (Motivational Interviewing) by William R. Miller & Stephen Rollnick. The Turkish translation is available from Psikonet Publishing.**

### **[📥Click here to download the PDF for free](https://alisanburak.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/YansitmaliDinleme_Carousel.pdf)**

[← Previous 🧠 Why Do I Get Tired So Quickly? Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) in Adults](https://alisanburak.com/en/%F0%9F%A7%A0-neden-bu-kadar-cabuk-yoruluyorum-yetiskinlerde-duyusal-islemleme-duyarliligi-sps)[Next → Why does that gum-chewing sound bother you so much? 😤 | Misophonia](https://alisanburak.com/en/o-sakiz-sesi-sizi-neden-bu-kadar-rahatsiz-ediyor-%F0%9F%98%A4-mizofoni)

---

Kaynak / Source: https://alisanburak.com/en/birine-yardim-etmeye-calisiyorsun-o-savunmaya-geciyor

İletişim / Contact: Bağdat Caddesi, Veli Güneysu Apt. No:453 K:4 D:9, Suadiye / Kadıköy, İstanbul · +90 532 642 95 25 · info@alisanburak.com · https://alisanburak.com/bagdat-caddesi-psikoterapi-iletisim